I'm in a fase of my life where I'm into a lot of alternative stuff, after being convinced of the fact, that there's more between heaven and earth than meets the eye. This I will write about in my blog - in addition to every-day-stuff worth sharing.
Have you made similar experiences or just want to comment in any way - please feel free to do so in English, Swedish, Danish or Norwegian.
I hope you will enjoy this blog.
The picture in the header is Googled.

tirsdag 29. september 2009

The Love of my life – My children

In my 41 year long life – I’ve met a lot of different men. But never completely fallen in love. I thought I was – or at least I tried and WANTED to be in love. But as the time passed on – I realized that I wasn’t. The closest I’ve been – must have been when I was a teenager – 14 years old. I fell for this beautiful young man – almost 18. I always blushed when I met him. And God forbid if he actually talked to me. But the magic happened when he one evening came up to me and asked me to go for a walk in the moonshine. He finally discovered ME. However – like young love tend to do – it lasted only for a few months. He then moved on – and started dating a friend of mine. That hurt – a lot!! And I was really surprised about it ending.

Like in this quote by Benjamin Disraeli;

- The magic of first love is our ignorance that it can ever end.


But – IT DID! 

For almost 18 years ago – when I got pregnant with my oldest daugther – things started to  happen. And for about 17 years ago – someone stole my heart – totally. My child – my first little princess. For 14 years ago – carrying my second daughter – I was wondering how it would be possible to have room in my heart for another child. I was kind of worry too. But when I held her in my arms for the first time – my heart expanded – there was just as much love for a second child. I then had two beautiful princesses. I was really blessed.

Of course – there was a lot of work, worrying and responsibilities – and I really struggled in periods of their younger years. But there was a lot of love – and that was the most important thing of all. I decided that I shouldn’t have any more children. It would be too difficult to handle.

But in one way or another – I changed my mind. Four years ago – when my third daughter was born – my heart grew even more. I started to think of my heart as a gladiolus (flower) – growing one flower at the time – one for each of my children. Every single one special – every single one beautiful – and together – PERFECT!

(Photo: Google/Mestergrønn)

I would like to end this post with a story about my four-year-old daughter. She has been home from kindergarden today because of a sore throat.

She was watching TV when I came and gave her a cup of warm tea, with milk and sugar. And a cheese sandwich (that she wouldn’t eat of course). She took the cup – looked up at me – smiled and said; “You are so kind mammy!”

No wonder my heart melted :o)

No wonder my kids are THE LOVE OF MY LIFE :o)

søndag 20. september 2009

Seasons change

The fall is cathing up with us here in the middle of Norway – and really fast now. The leaves are turning yellow and orange, red and brown. The wind blows the leaves off the trees – like a blizzard – only with leaves instead of snow.

But at least we can still find some berries here and there.

I’m  so lucky to have some of them in my garden. In no time I can pick berries for desserts or cakes or just to put in my freezer for later use.


I’m not looking forward to the winter this year. Somehow I feel that I haven’t had any summer. The switch came to sudden for me, since I was away for almost a month at this time.

On the other hand – we’ve had a couple of nice days now. Warm and sunny.

But still – the colors tell a different story – the summer is gone.


Hopefully we still have to wait for the snow to come, for many weeks.

The best thing about this “dark season” – is that we now can light a lot of candles inside – and outside. This gives me a good feeling – always.


The fireplace is a great thing to have these days.


I’m actually using it to burn old jounals today. Since I’m in a process of eliminating old memories and feelings that are holding me back. As a symbol of this process I burn all of my old jounals. The memories that are important are already placed in my mind and the feelings that are important are in my heart. The rest is burning – disappearing. A lot of pain, disappointments, hurt feelings and more. Old letters from former lovers or penpals that disappeared suddenly. Everything – gone! It’s a bit difficult – but still I’m happy to do it. This is not something I want my children to read – or anyone else for that matter. I was a real handful – desperately searching for love and relationships. I felt so alone. It’s so obvious now. Finally!!!


Iwish that I’ve seen it earlier. But still – I’m glad I see it today.

Wish you all the best – wherever you are – and whatever season you are moving into.

fredag 18. september 2009

Another regression

A while ago I was on my second regression. I was a bit intimidated in front, because I had such a good regression last time. My therapist said it was normal to feel that way – but still I felt  uncomfortable lying there. She had to work hard to get me relaxed enough to start the regression. This time – more than the first time - I felt I was making stuff up. I was twisting my mind to find out if the pictures or feelings I got into my mind – came from something I’ve read or seen on TV or anything else. My mind was really working hard to find other solutions of this.


After a while I felt very dizzy. My body felt like spinning around and around. Like beeing drunk or maybe I was in a boat. I got a terrible pain in my head – and my back was hurting as well. I started to feel sick and tried  not to throw up. 

The therapist counted me back in time and the pain went away.

However I was still a little bit dizzy. I got a feeling of beeing a man, since I had very hairy arms and legs – and was kind of  - “dirty”. The clothes I was wearing were made of fur and leather. It was all just some kind of feeling – couldn’t actually see it. 

It then felt like I was in a room with many men – older than me – more scary and brutal. I was a bit afraid – but felt this was something I had to do.  We were drinking something that tasted bad – a lot of it. No wonder I felt so dizzy. Beeing accepted by this men made me feel proud in a weird way. This was not good men – they were some kind of warriors, not vikings but something else. I didn’t like what they were doing – but had nothing to say about it.

The therapist then counted me forward in time again.


Now I was actually in a boat or ship, feeling drunk and a bit sick. I was alone. The other men had left me and went ashore. I was told to stay there until they returned. There was a storm building up outside and the water was very turbulent. It was a large wooden boat and I was sitting under deck. I got the image of flashing lights that I think must have come from the swinging lamp hanging under deck or maybe it was from the storm outside. I felt more and more nervous. I started drinking more heavily. I then realized I had to pee. I was climbing a ladder to go up on the deck – but I slipped because of the big waves throwing the boat from side to side. I fell and hit my head on something hard. It was really painful and it started to sting – as if it was bleeding a lot. Then my back started to ache. I must have hit my back in the fall in addition to my head. I was hurting and bleeding. I felt sick and dizzy.

Then the therapist counted me forward.


I was still alone, lying on my back. Still the waves were beating the boat around. I was feeling numb. I was angry – very angry. With myself. I could have avoided this situation. If I only had stood up for myself. If I hadn’t been drinking so much – if I hadn’t gone on this trip. A lot of self-destructing behaviour had lead up to this situation. Wanting to be so hard and tough – beeing one of this bad boys travelling around. Maybe I could have stopped it -just maybe ..

I was looking at the inside of the boat until I closed my eyes and let go.

The therapist told me to go to my healingplace on the other side. She was asking for healing for my soul. Asking for me to meet up with this other men I was travelling with, and then tell me to talk to them. Say what I should have said. Tell them how I felt. Get my anger and frustration out to those who partially put me in that situation. It felt better afterwards.

She then counted me back to the present.


I’m a bit confused about what all this meant. But I felt how easy it was to just go with the flow. And how terrible it might end – in just a second’s mistake or unattention.

If this really was a past life – or if I’m just a “storyteller” – remains to be seen – in the afterlife.

Please leave a message on this page/blog – since I’m not checking my Blogcatalog profile regularly. I will be visiting your blog if you leave me a trace. All the best!!

(The pictures are my own – please do not copy without permission.)

søndag 6. september 2009

It’s been a while ..

since my last post. The reason is that I’ve been away for three weeks. I’ve been without internet access and strangely enough – it felt very good. I’ve been staying on a small island on the coast of Norway. The reason for the stay was to figure out where to go from now – with my worksituation, my living arrangement, my on and off relationship and most important; to find out who I really am. Not the mother, the employee, the housewife, friend or familymember – but ME.


The experience was not entirely positive. I’ve learned a lot about myself – but I also realized that this place was not the right place for me. The therapist/teacher or what I should call her – preached one thing, but didn’t live by it herself. The respect lacking from public instances was one of her main issues – however, she didn’t exactly show us respect either. She teached us that only oneself can tell what is right or wrong for our wellbeeing – but she was the one telling us when we should live by it. We certainly shouldn’t live by it as long as we were there. Because she and only she, was the boss and the one with knowledge and wisdom.


But underneath it all – there is a great concept which she should have a lot of credit for. In about three hours individual therapy she figured out the main reason for most of my problems. My psycologist haven’t figured it out yet – and we have worked toghether for months. Now I’m a little confused – I’ve been torn to bits and pieces emotionally and don’t know how to put it all together again. It’s like being cut open on a hospital and sent out to make it heal on your own. Since I chose to leave before the end of the stay, in protest of her system and inflexibility, her aggression when pointing it out to her and her two-faced way of marketing herself and her teaching – I am now on my own. After two days of scratching the fundament of my soul – I’m now convinced that I did the right thing. Standing up for myself – taking responsibility of my own healing and wellbeeing. I am not sure if I should take some steps according her etic responsibility as a therapist and teacher or just forget about it. But she is kind of playing with other peoples mind and emotions. I definently have to do some serious thinking about this.


As a tragic-comic twist – after leaving the place I found out that the psycoligist working for them, actually is a previous colleague of mine .. and one I’ve been intimate with on a cristmasparty – long time ago. How great is that????? If I’ve known this – I certainly wouldn’t have spilled out my heart and soul.

So now – life goes on. Putting one piece upon an other. Hopefully it fits great :o)

All my love!!!