It’s been a while ..

since my last post. The reason is that I’ve been away for three weeks. I’ve been without internet access and strangely enough – it felt very good. I’ve been staying on a small island on the coast of Norway. The reason for the stay was to figure out where to go from now – with my worksituation, my living arrangement, my on and off relationship and most important; to find out who I really am. Not the mother, the employee, the housewife, friend or familymember – but ME.

The experience was not entirely positive. I’ve learned a lot about myself – but I also realized that this place was not the right place for me. The therapist/teacher or what I should call her – preached one thing, but didn’t live by it herself. The respect lacking from public instances was one of her main issues – however, she didn’t exactly show us respect either. She teached us that only oneself can tell what is right or wrong for our wellbeeing – but she was the one telling us when we should live by it. We certainly shouldn’t live by it as long as we were there. Because she and only she, was the boss and the one with knowledge and wisdom.

But underneath it all – there is a great concept which she should have a lot of credit for. In about three hours individual therapy she figured out the main reason for most of my problems. My psycologist haven’t figured it out yet – and we have worked toghether for months. Now I’m a little confused – I’ve been torn to bits and pieces emotionally and don’t know how to put it all together again. It’s like being cut open on a hospital and sent out to make it heal on your own. Since I chose to leave before the end of the stay, in protest of her system and inflexibility, her aggression when pointing it out to her and her two-faced way of marketing herself and her teaching – I am now on my own. After two days of scratching the fundament of my soul – I’m now convinced that I did the right thing. Standing up for myself – taking responsibility of my own healing and wellbeeing. I am not sure if I should take some steps according her etic responsibility as a therapist and teacher or just forget about it. But she is kind of playing with other peoples mind and emotions. I definently have to do some serious thinking about this.

As a tragic-comic twist – after leaving the place I found out that the psycoligist working for them, actually is a previous colleague of mine .. and one I’ve been intimate with on a cristmasparty – long time ago. How great is that????? If I’ve known this – I certainly wouldn’t have spilled out my heart and soul.

So now – life goes on. Putting one piece upon an other. Hopefully it fits great :o)

All my love!!!