When children are growing up ..

It’s monday – I’m a bit tired – but still ready for a brand new week.

It’s been a calm weekend. I feel more rested than before. But still – there’s something bothering me. As some of you might know, I do have two teenage daughters. The oldest is going on 18 and the other is soon to be 14. They are in different stages of their lives – but have gotten a lot more in common lately.  Everything isn’t dominated by competition or siblings-jealousy. It is a fact that they were fighting like cats and dogs when they were younger. Whatever one of them got – the other wanted it as well. A few years ago – this changed. Now it’s very rare to hear them argue at all.

Wonderful :o)

What I wanted to write about here – is the feeling one gets when we realizes that our children is growing up. How do you deal with that? How can we let go – and trust them to manage their lives on their own? My 14-year-old is talking about moving away to another part of the country – with her dad. And the feeling hit me like a giant waterfall. My oldest daughter has been living with her dad the past couple of years – but they are living only one hours drive away. It’s many times that long to where my 14-year-old now wants to move - Oslo. I’m used to the situation of my oldest not living here, but still I have been feeling sad when she, because of friends and boyfriend – haven’t been here in weekends as often as she used to. I’m telling myself that she is a very sensible girl – not much fooling around there – and she is after all – almost grown up. In Norway 18 is the “grown-up-age” – when we are allowed most things, like driving a car, buying alcohol and tobacco, visit night clubs and vote at political elections. And - it is her father who is mainly responsible for her now – after all – not me … So ease up, woman!!! But I do like to control it all a little bit – anyway .. : o)  

Back to my 14-year-old – who was my little girl in so many years before my youngest arrived in 2005. She has always been very attached to me, didn’t like sleep-overs and always needed to know where I was. The separation between us startet a little rough – by my youngest being born. Since then it’s happened bit by bit. She is very independent and manage to fix most things by herself. Now it’s all about horses, computers and friends. And every now and again – a small crush :o) She has mentioned this moving-thing before – but I haven’t actually paid any attention to it. Until now. Now it’s actually a chance of this being the reality. I am comforting myself – saying it might not last for so very long – but then again it might. If she likes the place, the people and the school. And it’s good for her – having more time with her dad – it’s not THAT long to Oslo is it ?? …. But it’s a long travel just for a hug!

… a hunger for life … Source; unknown! 

This feeling – it has to be some kind of separation-anxiety – can’t find a word that covers it better. How do we prepare for this? Why aren’t we told about this pain – this fear – growing inside lots of parents – when our children leaves home as young adults and independent individuals?

I can’t answer that – in any other way – than with some words from the book I can’t seem to finish; Conversations with God 1; (I have the Norwegian copy – and will try to translate it back into English without loosing it’s meaning)

“If you want a guaranty in life - you don’t want life. You want a copy of a manuscript already written.”

With these words  – I send you a big hug – because I need it – maybe you need it too?? :o)

Torilpia